Sick jokes

[AnalHamster]

What hits the ground first, a feather, or a depressed kid?

The feather. The kid gets stopped by the rope.


Give me your worst.

[FSchmertz]

Oh boy, a place to put those dead baby "jokes"!

What's the difference between a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls?

You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork

[FSchmertz]

Why did the dead baby cross the road?

Because it was stapled to the chicken.

[FSchmertz]

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?




Russel.

[FSchmertz]

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in your swimming pool?





Bob.

[HighNDry]

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later.
"Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty diapers!" the doc says.
"Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.
"No, you've got bowel cancer."

[FSchmertz]

Back to babies!

What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?

The one live one in the middle eating its way out.

[HighNDry]

How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops baby, two scoops vanilla.

[FSchmertz]

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in your excavation?



Phil

[rule34]

What do you call a mexican women with no legs?

Cunsuelo.

[Charliesheen]

Quad paraplegic who loiters on your porch


Matt

[Evil.Fkn.Mean,Nasty]

How do you know that your sister is screwing around?

Your fathers dick taste bad.

[rule34]

What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?

Full

[rule34]

What do you call a dead hooker with a runny nose?

See above

[Reservoir Dog]

I had amazing breakup sex with my girlfriend.



But then they kicked me out of her funeral.

[Whackov]

Since DP has been put in jail for storming the capital, killed by his dog or shot by PPG’s (miss her) estranged husband, someone has to do this. Fill in the punch line:

What do you call a Hispanic woman that eats the corn out of her shit?

[theclap]

I had amazing breakup sex with my girlfriend.



But then they kicked me out of her funeral.

I heard the rotten cunt split on you.

[Reservoir Dog]

I had amazing breakup sex with my girlfriend.



But then they kicked me out of her funeral.

I heard the rotten cunt split on you.

Love juices.

[Hyperv12]

What’s red & screams and goes from side-to-side?


A live baby on a bacon slicer.

[Hyperv12]

What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in their bath?



Throw in your laundry.

[Reservoir Dog]

How do you save a baby from choking?



Take your dick out of its mouth.

[Hyperv12]

Little Jimmy walks into his mums bedroom as she is just getting out of the shower and sees her naked, he points between her legs and asks “Mummy, Mummy what’s that?” The mummy thinks for a second and says “Um, that’s my hedgehog” “Oh, Ok” says Jimmy and leaves.
The next weekend his old Granny comes to stay for a few days and the next morning Jimmy comes running into the kitchen to his mum and yells “Mummy, Mummy I think Grannies hedgehog is dead!” “What are you talking about? Why would you think that?” his mum asks.

Jimmy replies “Because all its guts are hanging out!”

[Whackov]

What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.

[Whackov]

What is red and hangs around trees?
A baby hit by a snow blower.

What is green and hangs around trees?
Same baby 3 weeks later.

[Hyperv12]

What turns 80lb weaklings into men of steel?


Polio.