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A sign in the window of a bar advertised for a Piano Player and one day a scroungy looking old guy entered the bar asking about the job. The bartender was put off by the man's looks, but pointed him to the piano in the corner.

As the old man began to play, the room was filled with the most beautiful, melodious music anyone in the bar had ever heard. During the song, all talk stopped and when the music ended, the patrons leaped to their feet; yelling and applauding wildly.

"Hey, Old Timer," said the barkeep. "You're really good. What was that beautiful song?" "I call it 'Drop them panties Momma, I'm gonna do ya all night long'." Momentarily stunned, the bartender held his temper and said, "Interesting title. Do you have another?"

The old man nodded and broke into a foot stomping honky-tonk piece that brought the bar patrons to their feet. The crowd clapped along until it was finished, then broke into a thunderous round of applause and filled his tip mug to overflowing. "You are amazing," exclaimed the barkeep. "Just amazing! What do you call that one?" "Oh, that's a little ditty I call 'I wanna spank yer bare butt, baby, till you scream and holler'."

The bartender held his tongue -- the guy was certainly good, despite the outrageous song titles. Then, the piano man rose, excused himself, and shuffled off to use the restroom.

While he was gone, the patrons begged the bartender to give the eccentric old musician the job. So, when the old man returned, the barkeep said, "Mister, you are the greatest piano player I've ever heard. If you want the job, it's yours."

Suddenly, the barkeep noticed that the man had not finished his trip to the restroom. Not wanting to embarrass the old fellow, he leaned toward him and whispered, "Sir, do you know your pecker's hanging out for all the world to see?"

"Know it?" the geezer grinned. "Hell, I wrote it!"

Russ and Fred

Russ and Fred, two friends, met in the park

every day to feed the pigeons, watch the

squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Russ didn't show up.

Fred didn't think much about it and figured

maybe he had a cold or something..

But after Russ hadn't shown up for a week

or so, Fred really got worried.

However, since the only time they ever got

together was at the park, Fred didn't know

where Russ lived, so he was unable to find

out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Fred figured

he had seen the last of Russ, but one day,

Fred approached the park and--

lo and behold!--there sat Russ!

Fred was very excited and happy to see him

and told him so.

Then he said, 'For crying out loud Russ,

what in the world happened to you?'

Russ replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Fred. What in the world for?'

'Well,' Russ said, 'you know Sue,

that cute little blonde waitress at the

coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Fred, 'I remember her.

What about her?

'Well, the little gold-digging witch figured I

was rich and she filed rape charges

against me; and, at 89 years old,

I was so proud that when I got into court,

I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'

CATHOLIC MORNING COFFEE

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman

were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends,

"My son is a priest, when he walks into a room,

everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps,

"My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room

people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says,

"My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room

everyone bows their head and says
'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,

"My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room

people call him 'Your Holiness'.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was

sipping her coffee in silence,

The four men gave her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies,

I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL

40" D Breasts

24" WAIST and

34" HIPS

When she walks into a room, people say,

“ JESUS"!

Antknot wrote: ↑Mon May 02, 2022 2:50 pm CATHOLIC MORNING COFFEE

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman

were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends,

"My son is a priest, when he walks into a room,

everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps,

"My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room

people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says,

"My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room

everyone bows their head and says
'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly,

"My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room

people call him 'Your Holiness'.”

Since the lone Catholic woman was

sipping her coffee in silence,

The four men gave her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies,

I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL

40" D Breasts

24" WAIST and

34" HIPS

When she walks into a room, people say,

“ JESUS"!

maybe that's the problem. They don't know what the word means.

Dude thought the guy said "vendors".

I know, Im immature. When I graduate from 8th grade its over for all those other bitches!!

disco.moon wrote: ↑Tue May 03, 2022 9:29 pm I know, Im immature. When I graduate from 8th grade its over for all those other bitches!!

Bluespruce1964 wrote: ↑Wed May 04, 2022 11:36 am

Took me a minute. Thats clever.

More like the US border.

or guarding the capital on Jan 6th.

CaptQ has been hitting the bagel shops lately