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Bondburger - A sex act in which the man pours ketchup and mustard in between the woman's butt cheeks, then puts his penis between said cheeks and squishes them together while saying "Do you expect me to talk?" Last night, I Bondburgered your sister so hard I got ketchup all over the walls. by kilgannon6 May 26, 2017

Four prisoners are killed in a prison bus accident

A drug dealer, a car thief, a bank robber and a rapist all die and are sent immediately to hell. Once there Satan begins checking his documents and says he isn’t ready for them. He says “you died a little too soon. So we don’t have anywhere to put you. I will be clearing out a few places for you but in the meantime we must send you back. You get a second chance to do better. However if you fall into your old ways you will be sent back here immediately!”

Poof all four land on the street in NYC. The drug dealer within minutes finds a pay phone and begins dialing his drug supplier to get back into the drug game. As soon as his supplier answers POOF the drug dealer disappears in a cloud of smoke.

The other three continue walking until a brand new Lamborghini pulls up and the owner mistakingly thinks the car thief is a valet. He tosses the keys to lambo and says “park it!”. The car thief can’t help himself and hops in the Lamborghini. Before he can even take his foot off the brake POOF goes the car thief.

After a few blocks the bank robber and rapist are walking past a bank. All of the sudden a group of bank robbers come running out with bags of cash as an alarm blares behind them. A single $100 bill falls gently to the ground as the robbers speed off. The bank robber looks around and then bends over to grab the $100 bill and POOF goes the rapist

I took my pet pig to the vet because she was feeling sick.
The vet told me to return in a couple hours, so I did.
When I came back, the vet presented me with a ham.

I looked at him, confused, and he said "I cured her."

Bluespruce1964 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 20, 2022 11:53 pm I took my pet pig to the vet because she was feeling sick.
The vet told me to return in a couple hours, so I did.
When I came back, the vet presented me with a ham.

I looked at him, confused, and he said "I cured her."

i had my pig on the back of my motorcycle one time riding down the highway. A cop pulled me over and asked what the fuck I was doing. I told him I wasn't really sure what to do with the pig. He told me to take it to the zoo.

A few days later he pulled me and my pig over again and asked me why I didn't take it to the zoo. I told him I did. And we had so much fun, I was taking him to the carnival today.

disco.moon wrote: ↑Thu Aug 18, 2022 10:38 am

Cyclists in Toronto were protesting cops ticketing them for infractions. You know everyone one of them rode like that.

stonedmegman wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 1:10 am

disco.moon wrote: ↑Thu Aug 18, 2022 10:38 am

Cyclists in Toronto were protesting cops ticketing them for infractions. You know everyone one of them rode like that.

It's ridiculous. My very first actual BF from 9th - 10th grade was killed at 25...he was a bicyclist. :/

disco.moon wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 1:18 am

stonedmegman wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 1:10 am

disco.moon wrote: ↑Thu Aug 18, 2022 10:38 am

Cyclists in Toronto were protesting cops ticketing them for infractions. You know everyone one of them rode like that.

It's ridiculous. My very first actual BF from 9th - 10th grade was killed at 25...he was a bicyclist. :/

We're you backing up?

I've been a cyclist all my life and I cringe when I see that shit bikers do because I get blamed for it even though I follow the law.

stonedmegman wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 1:36 am

disco.moon wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 1:18 am

stonedmegman wrote: ↑Sun Aug 21, 2022 1:10 am

disco.moon wrote: ↑Thu Aug 18, 2022 10:38 am

Cyclists in Toronto were protesting cops ticketing them for infractions. You know everyone one of them rode like that.

It's ridiculous. My very first actual BF from 9th - 10th grade was killed at 25...he was a bicyclist. :/

We're you backing up?

I've been a cyclist all my life and I cringe when I see that shit bikers do because I get blamed for it even though I follow the law.

It was ruled an accident.

Animal wrote: ↑Sat Aug 20, 2022 11:58 pm

Bluespruce1964 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 20, 2022 11:53 pm I took my pet pig to the vet because she was feeling sick.
The vet told me to return in a couple hours, so I did.
When I came back, the vet presented me with a ham.

I looked at him, confused, and he said "I cured her."

i had my pig on the back of my motorcycle one time riding down the highway. A cop pulled me over and asked what the fuck I was doing. I told him I wasn't really sure what to do with the pig. He told me to take it to the zoo.

A few days later he pulled me and my pig over again and asked me why I didn't take it to the zoo. I told him I did. And we had so much fun, I was taking him to the carnival today.

Had a pet pig living in the house with us. The house caught fire one night and the pig woke us all up and got us out safely. A friend asked why the pig was missing a leg. I told them you don't eat a hero pig all at once.

This cracked me up - 100% relatable.

*edit* I was stoned and forgot to put the link in.

disco.moon wrote: ↑Mon Aug 22, 2022 11:50 pm This cracked me up - 100% relatable.

*edit* I was stoned and forgot to put the link in.

Funny

RD=stale posts

wtf? would you please google "funny" and try to figure out what you are doing wrong.

Comedy, drama, posts, linguistics and now humor critic. The list keeps growing.