LOLZ (NSFW)

All the news from the peanut gallery and where all the nasty trash talk fails miserably.
It can get NSFW-ish here: you have been warned!
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Antknot
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2251

Post by Antknot »

A father walked by his six year old son’s bedroom and saw him kneeling by the side of the bed, praying. He heard, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and especially bless Uncle Pete.”

The father was perturbed. Pete, his brother, only visited once a year. Why was Pete in his son’s prayers?

The next day they had a call. Pete had died in a car accident that morning.

The father decided he’d better listen to his son’s prayers that night. That’s when he heard his son say: “God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. And especially bless Aunt Sally.”

Whoa! Sally was his wife’s sister. She lived on the other side of the country and his son has only seen her once.

The next day they had a call. Sally had a massive heart attack and died that morning.

That night he listened at his son’s door again. This is what he heard. “God bless Mommy. And especially bless Daddy”

The father was very disturbed now. He broke out in a sweat. He couldn’t sleep all night. Speeding causes most car accidents, right? He drove to work so slowly he almost caused two collisions. His office was on the 10th floor. He took one look at the elevator and decided not to risk it so he walked up 10 flights. When he got to his office his heart was pounding. All day he had trouble focusing on his work. Getting home safely was a miracle. He kept dozing at the wheel. He walked into the house and saw his wife sitting at the kitchen table. Her eyes were red and it looked like she’d been crying for hours. She said, “What a day! The milkman comes to the door and drops dead!”
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disco.moon
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2252

Post by disco.moon »




She "smeagals" the fuck outta there :lol: :lol:
BigChiefin
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2253

Post by BigChiefin »

disco.moon wrote: Wed Apr 27, 2022 12:42 pm


She "smeagals" the fuck outta there :lol: :lol:
It's a shame the word "nearly" is in the headline. At least its recorded so charges can be pressed.
BigChiefin
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2254

Post by BigChiefin »

Antknot wrote: Wed Apr 27, 2022 12:29 pm A father walked by his six year old son’s bedroom and saw him kneeling by the side of the bed, praying. He heard, “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and especially bless Uncle Pete.”

The father was perturbed. Pete, his brother, only visited once a year. Why was Pete in his son’s prayers?

The next day they had a call. Pete had died in a car accident that morning.

The father decided he’d better listen to his son’s prayers that night. That’s when he heard his son say: “God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. And especially bless Aunt Sally.”

Whoa! Sally was his wife’s sister. She lived on the other side of the country and his son has only seen her once.

The next day they had a call. Sally had a massive heart attack and died that morning.

That night he listened at his son’s door again. This is what he heard. “God bless Mommy. And especially bless Daddy”

The father was very disturbed now. He broke out in a sweat. He couldn’t sleep all night. Speeding causes most car accidents, right? He drove to work so slowly he almost caused two collisions. His office was on the 10th floor. He took one look at the elevator and decided not to risk it so he walked up 10 flights. When he got to his office his heart was pounding. All day he had trouble focusing on his work. Getting home safely was a miracle. He kept dozing at the wheel. He walked into the house and saw his wife sitting at the kitchen table. Her eyes were red and it looked like she’d been crying for hours. She said, “What a day! The milkman comes to the door and drops dead!”
:lol:
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Homebrew
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2255

Post by Homebrew »

Image
What if it was one guy with six guns?
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Deathproof
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2256

Post by Deathproof »

Homebrew wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:04 pm Image
I wouldn't be surprised, nor would I disapprove, when the boyfriend winds up beating the living shit out of that guy cosplaying as a girl.
"Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids. Wealthy kids, black kids, Asian kids... no I really mean it, but think how we think about it.” -- lifelong segregationist Joe Biden
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disco.moon
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2257

Post by disco.moon »

Omg I just died laughing. This dogs face tho.


BigChiefin
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2258

Post by BigChiefin »

Deathproof wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:09 pm
Homebrew wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:04 pm Image
I wouldn't be surprised, nor would I disapprove, when the boyfriend winds up beating the living shit out of that guy cosplaying as a girl.
Agreed. Justifiable homicide applies.
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CentralTexasCrude
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2259

Post by CentralTexasCrude »

disco.moon wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:27 pm Omg I just died laughing. This dogs face tho.


Isn't that the look that everyone has when reading jbird's "stories"?
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2260

Post by Reservoir Dog »

CentralTexasCrude wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 11:34 pm
disco.moon wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:27 pm Omg I just died laughing. This dogs face tho.


Isn't that the look that everyone has when reading jbird's "stories"?
No. That's the look we all have reading one of your posts.
CentralTexasCrude wrote: Tue Mar 30, 2021 2:00 am You both fucked up. You trusted me.
BigChiefin
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2261

Post by BigChiefin »

disco.moon wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:27 pm Omg I just died laughing. This dogs face tho.


That woman has done some things to that dog. Hilarious.
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CentralTexasCrude
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2262

Post by CentralTexasCrude »

Reservoir Dog wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 11:44 pm
CentralTexasCrude wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 11:34 pm
disco.moon wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:27 pm Omg I just died laughing. This dogs face tho.


Isn't that the look that everyone has when reading jbird's "stories"?
No. That's the look we all have reading one of your posts.
Ooh, Burn
Antknot
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2263

Post by Antknot »

A little old lady with blue hair entered a sex shop and asked in a quivering voice, “Yy-youuuung man, dd-do y-you, sell-l d-didildoes h-hhhere?” The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady’s appearance in his shop answered, “Uh, yes ma’am, we do.” The little lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, “Dddd-do y-you ha-ave any ab-bb-bout th-this lon-ong?” “Well... yes ma’am, a few of them are about that big.” “D-do aa-ny of them ha-ave a v-v-v-vibra-a-ator?” “Yes ma’am, one of them does.” “W-w-ell, h-how d-do yo-ou t-turn it off?”
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Geist
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2264

Post by Geist »

BigChiefin wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 10:36 pm
Deathproof wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:09 pm
Homebrew wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:04 pm Image
I wouldn't be surprised, nor would I disapprove, when the boyfriend winds up beating the living shit out of that guy cosplaying as a girl.
Agreed. Justifiable homicide applies.
Dumb morals land you in dumb places. Fuck before marriage
rule34
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2265

Post by rule34 »

Geist wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 2:17 pm
BigChiefin wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 10:36 pm
Deathproof wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:09 pm
Homebrew wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:04 pm Image
I wouldn't be surprised, nor would I disapprove, when the boyfriend winds up beating the living shit out of that guy cosplaying as a girl.
Agreed. Justifiable homicide applies.
Dumb morals land you in dumb places. Fuck marriage
.
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." Mae West
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Evil.Fkn.Mean,Nasty
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2266

Post by Evil.Fkn.Mean,Nasty »

rule34 wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 2:23 pm
Geist wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 2:17 pm
BigChiefin wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 10:36 pm
Deathproof wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:09 pm
Homebrew wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:04 pm Image
I wouldn't be surprised, nor would I disapprove, when the boyfriend winds up beating the living shit out of that guy cosplaying as a girl.
Agreed. Justifiable homicide applies.
Dumb morals land you in dumb places. Fuck marriage
.
Is "trap" a typo or what its called when you fall for a trans and dont know it? Would be appropriate.
BigChiefin
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2267

Post by BigChiefin »

Evil.Fkn.Mean,Nasty wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 5:14 pm
rule34 wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 2:23 pm
Geist wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 2:17 pm
BigChiefin wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 10:36 pm
Deathproof wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:09 pm
Homebrew wrote: Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:04 pm Image
I wouldn't be surprised, nor would I disapprove, when the boyfriend winds up beating the living shit out of that guy cosplaying as a girl.
Agreed. Justifiable homicide applies.
Dumb morals land you in dumb places. Fuck marriage
.
Is "trap" a typo or what its called when you fall for a trans and dont know it? Would be appropriate.
That's how I read it. I assume that is what the term means.
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Biker
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2268

Post by Biker »

Image
rule34
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2269

Post by rule34 »

Does that include the guy in the van giving away free candy?
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." Mae West
BigChiefin
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2270

Post by BigChiefin »

Biker wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 10:42 pm Image
How about we go with three holidays.
- Mother's Day
- Father's Day
- One or Both of My Parents Are Mentally Ill Day
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Evil.Fkn.Mean,Nasty
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2271

Post by Evil.Fkn.Mean,Nasty »

Biker wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 10:42 pm Image
I'm as woke as the next liberal but holly fukk enough already.
If you dont have a mother or a father, then have that kid write to "The grown up that yells at me" or whatever.
We all knew kids in that situation. And no one judged them.
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Bluespruce1964
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2272

Post by Bluespruce1964 »

I'm up early.
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CHEEZY17
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2273

Post by CHEEZY17 »

Evil.Fkn.Mean,Nasty wrote: Sat Apr 30, 2022 1:03 pm
Biker wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 10:42 pm Image
I'm as woke as the next liberal but holly fukk enough already.
If you dont have a mother or a father, then have that kid write to "The grown up that yells at me" or whatever.
We all knew kids in that situation. And no one judged them.
Maybe there's hope for you after all.
"When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny."
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Biker
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2274

Post by Biker »

BigChiefin wrote: Fri Apr 29, 2022 10:53 pm
How about we go with three holidays.
- Mother's Day
- Father's Day
- One or Both of My Parents Are Mentally Ill Day
Bingo
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Bluespruce1964
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Re: LOLZ (NSFW)

#2275

Post by Bluespruce1964 »

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus spilled its load leaving New York. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, stupefied, shocked, rattled, dazed, bewildered, surprised, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, confounded, and astonished.

I'm up early.
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