Jokes for Disco

[Ricrude]

What did the fish say when he swam into the wall...?





Dam...

[Bluespruce1964]

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?







A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

[Bluespruce1964]

Did you hear about the guy who fell off the roof of the nightclub and died?






He wasn’t a bouncer.”

[saltydog]

My science teacher in Middle School gave us an assignment which required us to gather a jar and bring it outside to collect what we could find.

I got a bee.

[Ricrude]

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?' I said ‘No, six should be enough.'

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.

What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means? I said "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."

I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I'd like a bag. I said "nah, I'll just turn the lights off."

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it… He's gay, definitely gay.

How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".

When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this."

Why are women like KFC? After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Did you know that if you hold your ear up to a strangers leg you can actually hear them say "what the fuck are you doing?

Unexpected sex is a great way to be woken up... If you're not in prison.

I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep - that's got to be the ultimate rejection.

What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.

Are you a Nice girl or Good girl?: NICE girls blush when they watch porn, GOOD girls smile cause they know they can do better.

The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word 'Facial' is used.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.

You have the perfect face for radio.

Blind man walks into a bar... And a table, and a chair.

Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.

Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken...

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice.

What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married.

I'm as bored as a slut on her period.

Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius... I've been using money.

Me: "Remember when I rubbed you out?" Genie: "Don't say it like that..."

When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise!

f you jingle my bells ill promise you a white Christmas.

I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cindrella?

Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

My wife complained that the vacuum sucks too hard on the rugs and I made a joke... anyway, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.

Do you wanna play lion tamer? she asks: "What is that?" you say: It's when you get on all fours and I put my head in your mouth.

My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?

I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a cock.

Was your ass forged by Sauron because it is precious!

What's the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

You know your girlfriend's frigid if the lights go on when you open her legs.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now.

Remember how when you were little you could just rip off your diaper and run around naked and everyone thought it was funny?

If you force sex on a prostitute is it rape or shoplifting?

Sex operator: "Mmmm tell me what you're wearing."
Eskimo: "Everything I own basically."

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.

he best curve on a girl is her smile... Naw just kiddin, look at dat ass.

Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts. Told her I like shaved vagina and anal. Apparently, this isn't an appropriate answer at KFC.

Nobody is born cool. Except of course, dead babies.

What do whores do on their days off? Spend their fucking money.

My wife beamed at me with pride and said, "Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!" I said: "This trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter."

I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously she doesn't listen.

The Titanic was built to last, let that sink in.

Condoms? Hah! Those are for pussies!

How does a black chick tell if she's pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.

How can you make a woman scream twice? Fuck her real hard. Then wipe your dick off on the curtains.

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. Then the librarian told me to take it out.

Why did the woman cross the road? Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?

What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.

I just turned wine into barf. Your move, Jesus.

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler so the neighbors think I'm a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"

Doctor: "You need to stop masturbating."
Patient: "Why?"
Doctor: "Because I would like to start the exam."

My wife asked me where I'd like to be buried? Apparently "balls deep in your sister" wasn't the answer she was expecting.

[disco.moon]

None of these jokes are good. Hyperv12 used to have good jokes but like several others he's gone

[saltydog]

None of these jokes are good. Hyperv12 used to have good jokes but like several others he's gone

Why? This place is so wholesome and welcoming.

[disco.moon]

None of these jokes are good. Hyperv12 used to have good jokes but like several others he's gone

Why? This place is so wholesome and welcoming.

As welcoming as sandpaper underwear. I think he like fell off a mountain in Scotland.

[Bluespruce1964]

A man with his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.” The man thought about it and told the undertaker he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would only spend $150.”

The man replied, “Long time ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”

[stonedmegman]

None of these jokes are good. Hyperv12 used to have good jokes but like several others he's gone

Why? This place is so wholesome and welcoming.

As welcoming as sandpaper underwear. I think he like fell off a mountain in Scotland.

I got itchy reading that.

[Bluespruce1964]

[disco.moon]

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?







A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

G spot ain't that hard to find.

[Animal]

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?







A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

G spot ain't that hard to find.

we just say that so we can spend more time looking.

[stonedmegman]

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?







A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

G spot ain't that hard to find.

we just say that so we can spend more time looking.

There's that "we" shit again...

[Animal]

then stop nominating me to speak for the group.

[stonedmegman]

then stop nominating me to speak for the group.

Okay your self-appointedship.

Must be a Texas thing.

[Animal]

then stop nominating me to speak for the group.

Okay your self-appointedship.

Must be a Texas thing.

i heard a strip club opened in Canada called The G Spot.

no one could find it.

[stonedmegman]

then stop nominating me to speak for the group.

Okay your self-appointedship.

Must be a Texas thing.

i heard a strip club opened in Canada called The G Spot.

no one could find it.

They all headed to the topless donut shop called The C cup.

[Bluespruce1964]

I remember my dad's last words before kicking the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

[Bluespruce1964]

[Bluespruce1964]

My asshole neighbor knocked on my door at 2.30am last night!

Luckily I was still up playing my bagpipes

[Bluespruce1964]

Guy walks into a bar Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, really confused, pours him another drink. The guy pays him $100 and refuses the change again. Just as he's about to sip his drink, the little guy appears, knocks the drink to the floor and runs off again.

Now the bartender pours him another drink and asks him about the little guy. The patron says, "well, I found myself on a deserted island, with nothing but an old elaborate bottle. When I opened the bottle, this genie came out and granted me three wishes.

My first wish was to be back in civilization. And here I am. My second wish was to have a never ending supply of $100 bills. And here's one for you."

The bar tender thanks for his third $100 bill and asks "what about your third wish?"

"I wished for a 10 inch dick".

[disco.moon]

Guy walks into a bar Sits at the bar and orders a drink. He pays with a $100 bill and refuses the change. Just when he's about to take a drink, this little guy - not even a foot tall - runs across the bar and knocks the drink out of his hand. The little guy jumps off the bar and disappears.

The bartender, really confused, pours him another drink. The guy pays him $100 and refuses the change again. Just as he's about to sip his drink, the little guy appears, knocks the drink to the floor and runs off again.

Now the bartender pours him another drink and asks him about the little guy. The patron says, "well, I found myself on a deserted island, with nothing but an old elaborate bottle. When I opened the bottle, this genie came out and granted me three wishes.

My first wish was to be back in civilization. And here I am. My second wish was to have a never ending supply of $100 bills. And here's one for you."

The bar tender thanks for his third $100 bill and asks "what about your third wish?"

"I wished for a 10 inch dick".

I like that one

[disco.moon]

My asshole neighbor knocked on my door at 2.30am last night!

Luckily I was still up playing my bagpipes

[Ricrude]

None of these jokes are good. Hyperv12 used to have good jokes but like several others he's gone

You really don't mean that...