UJRefugees.net

My ex has been married for 20 years, and he has aged as we all do.

I lost my wife of lets say of 15 years 2 months ago.

My ex has been my best friend, as she has since we fell in love at 17 years old. We have one 30 something perfect boy, and now I lost my wife and her husband is aging considerably.

She cheated on me 30 years ago, but she has not cheated on him and I love her more than I can say,

My son thinks she is an issue, and I know she is a handful but goddammit I love her to this day like I did in 1985 when we first became soulmates...

I am in a spot I never expected... What in the fuck am I supposed to do????

hawkfan8812 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 27, 2025 4:29 am My ex has been married for 20 years, and he has aged as we all do.

I lost my wife of lets say of 15 years 2 months ago.

My ex has been my best friend, as she has since we fell in love at 17 years old. We have one 30 something perfect boy, and now I lost my wife and her husband is aging considerably.

She cheated on me 30 years ago, but she has not cheated on him and I love her more than I can say,

My son thinks she is an issue, and I know she is a handful but goddammit I love her to this day like I did in 1985 when we first became soulmates...

I am in a spot I never expected... What in the fuck am I supposed to do????

Take my opinion for what's its worth, which isn't much.

You are still mourning. There is an emptiness in your heart. You want your ex to fill that emptiness. This would basically be an "on the rebound" relationship. There may be some short-term euphoria but baggage and drama will probably rear its head. You're on good terms with her now. Leave it that way.

But.. good luck with whatever you choose.

nerd_alert wrote: ↑Mon Oct 27, 2025 5:06 am

hawkfan8812 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 27, 2025 4:29 am My ex has been married for 20 years, and he has aged as we all do.

I lost my wife of lets say of 15 years 2 months ago.

My ex has been my best friend, as she has since we fell in love at 17 years old. We have one 30 something perfect boy, and now I lost my wife and her husband is aging considerably.

She cheated on me 30 years ago, but she has not cheated on him and I love her more than I can say,

My son thinks she is an issue, and I know she is a handful but goddammit I love her to this day like I did in 1985 when we first became soulmates...

I am in a spot I never expected... What in the fuck am I supposed to do????

Take my opinion for what's its worth, which isn't much.

You are still mourning. There is an emptiness in your heart. You want your ex to fill that emptiness. This would basically be an "on the rebound" relationship. There may be some short-term euphoria but baggage and drama will probably rear its head. You're on good terms with her now. Leave it that way.

But.. good luck with whatever you choose.

Perfectly said.

My divorce was only 7 years ago and I have a hard time remembering the crap I went through with her on a daily basis. The pain sucks, the loneliness sucks, the not knowing what to do sucks, and the fond memories of what you once had are alluring. You have forgotten all the pain, heartache, stress, frustration, and trouble. She is also still married? So you would be encouraging her to cheat. Best bet is to not ride that bike down tge road of life again ar you may hit a pothole that puts the bikeseat square up your ass.

nerd_alert wrote: ↑Mon Oct 27, 2025 5:06 am

hawkfan8812 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 27, 2025 4:29 am My ex has been married for 20 years, and he has aged as we all do.

I lost my wife of lets say of 15 years 2 months ago.

My ex has been my best friend, as she has since we fell in love at 17 years old. We have one 30 something perfect boy, and now I lost my wife and her husband is aging considerably.

She cheated on me 30 years ago, but she has not cheated on him and I love her more than I can say,

My son thinks she is an issue, and I know she is a handful but goddammit I love her to this day like I did in 1985 when we first became soulmates...

I am in a spot I never expected... What in the fuck am I supposed to do????

Take my opinion for what's its worth, which isn't much.

You are still mourning. There is an emptiness in your heart. You want your ex to fill that emptiness. This would basically be an "on the rebound" relationship. There may be some short-term euphoria but baggage and drama will probably rear its head. You're on good terms with her now. Leave it that way.

But.. good luck with whatever you choose.

Blast wrote: ↑Mon Oct 27, 2025 2:30 pm My divorce was only 7 years ago and I have a hard time remembering the crap I went through with her on a daily basis. The pain sucks, the loneliness sucks, the not knowing what to do sucks, and the fond memories of what you once had are alluring. You have forgotten all the pain, heartache, stress, frustration, and trouble. She is also still married? So you would be encouraging her to cheat. Best bet is to not ride that bike down tge road of life again ar you may hit a pothole that puts the bikeseat square up your ass.

This too

are there any pics of the ex?

I am glad I asked, because the advice was good and what I needed to hear and be reminded of.

hawkfan8812 wrote: ↑Mon Oct 27, 2025 3:26 pm I am glad I asked, because the advice was good and what I needed to hear and be reminded of.

Here's some more.... You live in a fairly small town if I remember correctly, which means folks know of your loss. Get out there and get as much sympathy pussy as you can!

if she is still married and not separated i would tread lightly. that said...why not. we all deserve to be happy and if you two make one another happy go for it. the fact you like women and are a seahawks fan you are already defying the odds.

Very sorry for your loss...losing a loved one is always a terrible thing. Don't go to the ex or you'll be even more confused and in reality, it wouldn't be fair to either of you. The best thing you can do at this point would be to buy a wig the color of your deceased's wife's hair and when you are lonely...tape it to your hand and relive those awesome moments when she would go down on you.

Hope that helped...

Your heart’s stuck in 1985, but reality isn’t. She’s married, your son sees the risk, and chasing her now is chaos. Grieve your wife, focus on your life and your kid, and keep your love for her in memory and friendship, acting on it will ruin everything.

I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised at the thoughtful responses here. Great job UJR.

all kidding aside, I wanted my ex back so many times for I guess 15 years or something? She then needed a place to stay with her and her family, I thought that meant her, a 10 year old son and 1 year old daughter. "sure come on over just couple of days" . From there I could write an encyclopedia, and after 30 days of her here, when they all left I was so relieved and I hated to admit to myself but getting her out of my life was for the best. But it took that event and 15 years or so. And the "she has a partner" or whatever, no not what so ever, too many guys do stupid jealous shit. My ex and I just had this whole conversation, boyfriend not good, boyfriend just got a gun. At that point it was never contact me again type stuff. I would hold off a year or 2 and see if you still feel the same, and / or if she would get single , spend a day or 2, see how it goes. But the she;s in relationship (or whatever) I'm a total pussy wuss ass what ever. So I don't like violence, but now days, people get pissed and they turn to fighting with guns. No, no way. But For me, and others that it wasn't really an "I hate you" for me it was just she thought grass is greener so I sent her on her way, miserable at the time, same time our family business closed so broke my 11 years of sobriety, hard to believe that was nearly 22 years ago .

Give us a minute, we'll wreck it. One hawk is over this we can bring back the paint a hawk a thread

Your ex thought you were a door mat when she cheated on you and I doubt that has changed, except for the passing years. If you take her back she still will not respect you so understand that if you do. It will be a convenience when we get older to forgive and forget but the reality is people rarely change behavior they were comfortable with over the years no matter how old they are. Your son can makeup his own mind at his age and if he wants to be involved now,between you and your ex,tell him to fuk off and mind his own business. He still has to prove himself in this world. If you are lonely snap out of it,having somebody that is untrustworthy in your circle will only disappoint-guaranteed.

CHEEZY17 wrote: ↑Wed Oct 29, 2025 2:35 am I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised at the thoughtful responses here. Great job UJR.

I have rethought my response. fuck her a few times and see if its worth it. bust one in her hair and leave.

Hire a topless maid. That'll take your mind off it.