CMPD Gives UP!
Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2025 2:27 pm
CMPD Gives Up
Posted on December 4, 2025
UPTOWN — CMPD gave up on Thursday morning, marking the official end of law enforcement in the region just 72 hours into the tenure of new Chief Estella Patterson.
“I looked at the spreadsheets on Monday, looked at the streets on Tuesday, and by Wednesday realized we were essentially roleplaying as police anyway,” said Patterson, who began her role on December 1, 2025. “This concludes our involvement. Good luck out there.”
The announcement advised residents to “continue doing whatever the hell they were already doing,” noting that the transition to total anarchy is “largely symbolic,” given that most residents assumed the Purge had quietly started in 2022.
“There’s no point anymore,” the department added in a press release. “No matter what we do, people complain. If you see an Altima doing 95 mph on a sidewalk in Uptown, that’s just nature healing.”
The move comes as the department has effectively been reduced to one officer at a folding desk inside an empty headquarters, occasionally answering a phone just to sigh loudly and hang up.
“Honestly, I thought they left years ago,” said Plaza Midwood resident Trevor Lang, who reported a break-in in 2023 and reportedly received a reply email three weeks later saying simply, “Yikes.”
Some residents were more apprehensive.
“Without the police, who is going to stop people from turning around in my driveway?’ asked Dilworth resident Karen Mills. ‘I feel like I’m in Mad Max, but with higher property taxes.’”
In the end, the department’s carefully curated data could not compete with the public’s lived experience. In its final statement, the department offered only two words: “Well, we tried. I think.”
The Civilian Crash Investigation Unit (CCI) remains fully operational.
Posted in Local
https://thecharlotten.com/cmpd-gives-up/
Posted on December 4, 2025
UPTOWN — CMPD gave up on Thursday morning, marking the official end of law enforcement in the region just 72 hours into the tenure of new Chief Estella Patterson.
“I looked at the spreadsheets on Monday, looked at the streets on Tuesday, and by Wednesday realized we were essentially roleplaying as police anyway,” said Patterson, who began her role on December 1, 2025. “This concludes our involvement. Good luck out there.”
The announcement advised residents to “continue doing whatever the hell they were already doing,” noting that the transition to total anarchy is “largely symbolic,” given that most residents assumed the Purge had quietly started in 2022.
“There’s no point anymore,” the department added in a press release. “No matter what we do, people complain. If you see an Altima doing 95 mph on a sidewalk in Uptown, that’s just nature healing.”
The move comes as the department has effectively been reduced to one officer at a folding desk inside an empty headquarters, occasionally answering a phone just to sigh loudly and hang up.
“Honestly, I thought they left years ago,” said Plaza Midwood resident Trevor Lang, who reported a break-in in 2023 and reportedly received a reply email three weeks later saying simply, “Yikes.”
Some residents were more apprehensive.
“Without the police, who is going to stop people from turning around in my driveway?’ asked Dilworth resident Karen Mills. ‘I feel like I’m in Mad Max, but with higher property taxes.’”
In the end, the department’s carefully curated data could not compete with the public’s lived experience. In its final statement, the department offered only two words: “Well, we tried. I think.”
The Civilian Crash Investigation Unit (CCI) remains fully operational.
Posted in Local
https://thecharlotten.com/cmpd-gives-up/
Are there any pics of Karen Mills?